God, Banana, and Peanut Butter

I found the following "Atheists' Worst Nightmare" video clips very informative:

Banana


Peanut Butter


Oh God I'm so hungry I want to dip some banana into a jar of peanut butter right now. Oh and have you noticed the banana perfectly fits in the peanut butter?

In my life, I have prayed but one prayer: oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it. - Voltaire

How to tick people off

How to tick people off:

• Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
• In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
• Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
• Practice making fax and modem noises.
• Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
• Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
• Ask people what gender they are.
• Sing along at the opera.
• Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

read more at artlung

Now here are a few more from me:

• Tell everyone how "blessed" they are.
• While in the elevator, suddenly move over and hold your nose.
• When your fellow graduate student talks about "his" stuff in the lab, correct him by saying "you mean the lab stuff that you use more often". (this one works! I guarantee.)
• On a busy sidewalk, look through your camera and pretend that you are taking a picture.
• Call MS XBOX Customer service and when the Indian agent introduces himself as "Tim", tell him your name is Venkatanarasimharajuvaripeta
• Record a greeting for your answering machine that says: "Phone number incorrect - please try again."
• Record a greeting for your answering machine that says: "I'm not home but please leave a message for the FBI agent on line."

Video: The IT Room

This looks promising. I think it could get more popular than NBC's "The Office" in the Geekosphere.

Courtroom Quotations

Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"

---

Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

Read more...

Art and Science

My older cat is an artist: She sleeps on our Persian carpet. My younger cat is a scientist: He sleeps on my journal papers!

How to beat your wife (the God certified way)

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Psychiatric Office Answering Machine

Listen to this Psychiatric Office Answering Machine Joke. It's very funny.

Also if you are unfamiliar with JibJab, you can explore more while you are there in their site. Look for their original videos like This Land, Big Box Mart, or Do I Creep You Out.

This sentence is...

Me: Honey, can you please turn... ummmm
My wife: ... the TV down?
- Yes. I'm talking on the ... ummmm
- ... phone and you can't hear anything?
- Exactly. I don't know what's wrong with me today. I don't seem to be able to ... ummmm
- ... finish your sentences?
- Yes! Thank you for ... ummmmm
- ... tolerating you?
- If you say so!